Surviving the Void
by MuseandMe2
Summary: When Chakotay checks in on Kathryn during Voyager's passage through the void, he's puzzled by the response he gets from the Captain. Is it real or is there something more at play?


Captain Kathryn Janeway jumped as the chime to her quarters sounded. With a sigh, she put down the cup of coffee she had held in her hand for the past half hour as she stared at the unending darkness of the void. She tried to muster up the strength to propel herself up from the couch but could not. In fact, she could not even find the words to speak.

The chime sounded again and she fell back against the pillows, resting her head and closing her eyes, willing the intruder to go away with her mind. A combination of computer chirps told her that the manual override code was being entered and she sat up just as her First Officer walked into the room.

Chakotay blinked in the dim lighting and his dark eyes focused on his captain. He took in her disheveled appearance and the tiredness and black circles that were evident around her eyes. He noticed the coffee cup and nothing more on the table. She reflected every bit of the fast he knew she had going on.

He nodded. "Captain."

Janeway peered up. "Is there a problem, Commander? I didn't hear any alerts sound."

He waved a hand towards the door. "Did you hear your quarters' chime?"

"Yes, I did. And, as I did not answer it, why are you here? Uninvited I might add?" She straightened and waited for his response.

"I'm here in my capacity as acting captain to check on the welfare of a member of my crew."

Janeway's mouth opened and she struggled to her feet. "Who gave that order? I am the captain of this ship…"

"Then act like it!" Chakotay's voice reverberated through the dark room. He glanced up at the ceiling and ordered, "Computer, raise lighting to normal levels."

Instantly, the room grew brighter and she blinked several times as her pupils adjusted. Rubbing her face, she said, "I'll expect you to keep your voice down, Commander."

"Why? Do you think the crew doesn't know that you're hiding and neglecting them?"

She raised her chin. "I am not hiding."

Chakotay stepped forward. "Really, Kathryn? When is the last time you walked outside this room?"

She glanced around. "It's…it's been a while."

"You don't say?"

Her head snapped back to him. "Watch how you speak to me, Commander."

He frowned. "I'm actually more concerned with how you speak to the crew. And since you're not doing that, it's just your actions screaming at them. Badly."

She countered his aggressive posture before taking a deep breath. "I'm…I'm sorry. I guess this void is just getting to me."

Chakotay nodded. "I see that. It's gotten to all of us. But most of us have chosen healthier ways to deal with the darkness."

Her face grew stern again. "Don't lecture me, Commander. You are not taking control of my ship."

Chakotay crossed his arms. "It's already been done. Two hours ago. Had you read the status reports, you would have known that already. How do you think I knew something was wrong and I needed to do a welfare check on you?"

She glanced over at the pile of padds on her desk and ran a hand through her disheveled hair. "I just haven't gotten around to it." She looked back. "But I assure you that order will be reversed."

Chakotay chuckled. "I'd like to see you try it." He pointed to the door. "You want me to escort you to sickbay now so you can argue with the Doctor?"

Janeway steadied herself and took another deep breath. She knew she looked like hell. One step in the doctor's domain and she'd be lucky to find herself free of restraints or sedation for the next twenty four hours. She looked up and whispered, "Please."

Chakotay's eyes softened. "Please what, Kathryn?"

Her eyes pleaded but she could not find the words to accompany them. As their eyes darted, Chakotay finally broke their gaze. He motioned to the back room and said, "Go get yourself together. I'll get you something to eat and then we'll talk."

Janeway nodded and walked towards her bedroom. Chakotay watched her disappear and then made his way to the replicator. He ordered a light soup and fresh coffee with a side of fruit and placed it on the table. He straightened up a few areas of clutter until she walked back into the room twenty minutes later.

His eyes scanned as she approached clad only in a small towel wrapped around her wet body. Her long hair was damp and her pale skin was reddened from the heat of the shower. She watched him as he stared and a small smile played across her lips. "I just wanted to see if you were still here." She caught sight of the meal he had set out and added, "I'll be right back."

Chakotay was grateful as she disappeared once again. He thumped his chest to steady his racing heart and to settle the male urges that had surged through him at the sight of her like that. After a few deep breaths, he scratched his head and felt at peace again.

Within minutes, she was back. This time adorned in a thin casual dress with shoulder straps that held the garment to just above her knees. She walked over to the table and sat down. Popping a berry into her mouth, she said, "Thank you."

Chakotay found his voice. "You're welcome."

She waved a hand over the table. "You're not going to join me?"

"I, I already ate."

She blew on a spoonful of the soup. "Well, you can at least sit down. Or are you still going to play the role of armed guard?"

Chakotay eyed her as he pulled out a chair and sat across the table. Clearing his throat, he said, "Is this a game, Kathryn?"

She fluffed a napkin over her lap. "Game?"

"You'll get your command back when the Doctor deems you fit for duty."

She swallowed a spoonful. "I know that, Chakotay. In fact, I know the Starfleet rules and regulations better than you."

Chakotay rubbed his chin. "Is that so?"

"Yes. I never turned my back on them like you did. I've known and followed them over my entire career."

His eyes narrowed and he sat back. "Okay, whatever game this is you're playing, it's over." He stood up from the table. "I'll check back with you later."

She shot up from her seat and flew over to him. "Wait!" Her arms wound around his chest and she pressed herself into his body. "You don't understand. This isn't a game, Chakotay. This…this is freedom."

Chakotay couldn't help but relax under her warm body for a second before gently placing his hands on her shoulders and pulling her away. "Freedom?"

"Yes! You and I. We could never be together in the past. It wasn't right. It didn't work in the original command structure but, in the absence of it…" She stood on her tiptoes and brought her lips to his, giving him a solid kiss.

His lips instinctively responded and he lifted her face to grab more of her in his mouth. Their breath intermingled as he steered her over to the couch. As they moved, he felt her hands stroke at his back and ran rampant across his chest. His foot hit the leg of the furniture and he gently laid her back until they broke apart.

"Chakotay," she whispered.

He studied her face. There was unmistakable passion in her eyes, a flush over her cheeks, and lips that were beckoning to be his again. "Kathryn…"

She tried to pull him down but he released her instead and stood up. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Not making a mistake." He straightened his uniform and he paced. "You're not thinking straight. You're sick."

Passion turned to anger as she knelt on the couch and placed her hands on her hips. "I am not sick! I am thinking very clearly! I have wanted you for a very long time and I can have you now. Make love to me, Chakotay."

Chakotay glanced over and said, "That's proof you are not yourself. I'm going to have the Doctor come and look at you since I know it will take a security team to get you to him."

Her arms dropped and her face fell. Slowly, she rose and said, "I'm fine, Chakotay. If you're not interested in me anymore, at least have the decency to tell me yourself. You don't need the Doctor to do it for you."

Chakotay licked his lips. "You know that's not true."

She threw her hands up. "Then what's the problem here?"

"The problem is I don't know where this is coming from, Kathryn. For years, you've told me this can never happen between us. You won't do it. Now, when I tell you you've been relieved of duty it's the first thing on your list to accomplish?"

"Yes!" She walked over. "Yes! Because I've been doing nothing but thinking about my life for the past several months and you know what I've thought about, Chakotay? Me! Me and my miserable life just passing me by. Being alone for the rest of my life because I was selfish enough to sentence myself and all of you to a lifetime away from everything and everyone we ever knew! I can't make that right. I can never make that right. But what I can change is my future now. I don't like the future I was headed for. A future alone. With no one. No one to love me. No one to ever care about me again. I can't do that. I won't do it!" Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head. "Please believe me. I don't want that future anymore. I want this one. One with you. Together."

She wound her arms around him again and he allowed her to embrace him once more with a passionate kiss. He pulled away and said, "Are you sure? There is no going back after we do this, Kathryn."

She watched him dash a tear against her cheek with his thumb as she replied, "Good. Because I don't ever want to go back there. I don't ever want to go back to being alone without you again."

Their lips locked and Chakotay bent down and swept her off her feet. Carrying her into the bedroom, he gently laid her down on the sheets. "Are you sure?" he asked a final time.

"Yes," she whispered and pressed her lips against his neck.

Chakotay's eyes closed as she kissed her way down his neck and then to his chest. He helped her remove his uniform jacket and shirt and stripped himself bare from the waist up. He leaned over her as his fingers looped under her dress straps and he stripped it from her body.

Kathryn watched his muscles ripple as he undressed her with a quick sweep of his arm. Strong primal urges rushed through her and she grabbed at his waist to make him just as bare as she now was.

Chakotay struggled to control himself as her hands brushed against his bottom and other places. Her ministrations were just as spiritual as he had imagined they would be and he reveled before slowly capturing her hands and bringing them up to his lips.

She let out several gasps of pleasure of her own as his head and hands dipped to the many intimate places she had kept hidden for so long. A grateful yelp released from her throat as he finally joined with her as one. Kathryn held him as they rocked together and traded long kisses. This was the man she knew she would love forever.

Both of their eventual screams left them gasping for air as the final sensations rolled through their bodies. Kathryn shuddered underneath him and he instinctively pulled her close. Rolling to the side, he settled her against his neck and chest as he waited for his heart and breathing to return to a more natural pace. "Kathryn?"

She murmured and he gently kissed her head. "I love you," he said.

She kissed his cheek. "I love you too. I always have, Chakotay."

He smiled and said, "I know. I'm just glad you finally had the courage to act on it."

She winked and said, "What just happened was not an act."

He stroked her blushed skin. "I know."

She gave him a crooked smile and rested her head on his chest again.

"Kathryn?"

"Hmmmm?"

"What was that smile about?"

She patted his chest and said, "Just that I'm very happy, Chakotay."

"Kathryn?"

"Yes?"

"You're not getting your command back today. You know that, right?"

She lifted herself up. "Not true. You came to check on me and this was just the medicine I needed. I'm all better now, Commander. The Doctor will see that and give me back my ship immediately."

He sat up. "Did you just use me to get your command back?"

The crooked smile returned and she blushed. "Chakotay…"

He pulled away. "You did, didn't you?"

"Well, but…I did mean what I said…I love you…"

Chakotay broke into a wide grin and pulled her close to him. "Use me again."


End file.
